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DVD Review: Dario Argento–Pelts

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By: DThompson | in: Movies |

Mainstream critics tend to hate horror. I think one of the reasons why is because it’s such a one trick pony. There’s realy only a single thing a horror film needs to be in order to be successful. Scary. If it’s scary it doesn’t matter how repulsive, or low brow, or unimportant or trite or unoriginal the film is.

Pelts

A scary horror film is a successful horror film. Horror is not drama. It is not based on themes, though it can have them; it does not require sparkling witty dialogue, though it can have that too. It only needs that one basic thing. Fear. And that makes criticism pretty much moot. A good horror critic tells you right off. Is it scary? Is it eerie? Creepy? Bloody? Dull? Most horror reviews can easily be boiled down to a single sentence. Either it was scary, or it wasn’t.
So here’s my review for “Pelts”, Dario Argento’s latest addition to Masters of Horror. Pelts is replete with moments of shocking violence, some squirmingly unwatcheable. Plunging you into the equally vile worlds of strip clubs and pelt tanning, this is one wet little movie. That said, Pelts is also based on one of the least frightening concepts I have ever come across, and I’ve seen “Night of the Lepus”. If not for Lepus itself I could easily go as far as to say that Pelts is based on the single most un-scary premise in the entire history of horror film. That Argento turns what should have been a train wreck into something quite watcheable is a testament to the man’s ability as a true horror master.

Masters of Horror

The movie’s themese play on one of the deadly sins, greed. Specifically lusty avarice, driving the characters on where angels would sensibly fear to tread. The story revolves around a set of strikingly beautiful raccoon pelts. However, these are pelts from a pack of magical, or mystical, or something or other, raccoons and you do NOT want to mess with these pelts. The cute little skins have a tendency to drive those who touch them to commit unspeakable acts, like diving  face first into a bear trap. (Note to self: Would having your face chopped off by a bear trap actually kill you? Or just hurt a lot? Check Wikipedia).
Watching this movie I couldn’t help but think back to the psychedelic anti-linear wack job that was Suspiria, Pelts isn’t tame but compared to that  earlier film it is fairly straightforward. In fact, it’s close to formulaic with its creepy ruins of an aincient culture in a fog beshrouded woods looked over by an old witch-woman from her shack.. However the whole thing is well shot and entertainingly done with old pros Meatloaf and John Saxon in their latter day glory.
Still, perhaps a slightly less un-terrifying animal could have been chosen… There are raccoons up in Washington Park and they mostly root through the garbage looking for leftover chicken from picnic lunches. I can’t say I’ve ever regarded them as mystical beings best not messed with. And really, when’s the last time you heard a campfire story start off with “Beware! Beware the raccoons!”?
Oh, perhaps these are special, magic, movie raccoons and anyway, there really aren’t very many terrifying fur-bearing animals about. Minks would have been worse and beavers, well, the less said about that the better. As to Pelts, it’s a well made movie with excellent effects but its basic premise resolutely keeps true horror at bay.
VERDICT: A good rental.

[Buy Pelts on Amazon]


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Posted on March 3, 2007

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