HELL’S GROUND: The Best Pakistani Horror Film I’ve Ever Seen

By: DThompson | in: Movies |

Hell's Ground

When you watch enough horror films (some may even say too many horror films, but what do they know) you will eventually find yourself honing in on some pretty exotic hybridizations. We all grub about, clamouring for the new, seeking something we haven’t already seen. Even though what we usually end up finding isn’t really new, just putting the old pieces together in a novel fashion. Yet, if it’s novel enough that can serve to sate the desire for newness, or at least newishness.

Such is very much the case with Hell’s Ground, a Pakistani slasher / zombie film that lays claim to being “Pakistan’s first slasher film!’…with zombies. Why zombies in a slasher film? You ask. Because it is there, I answer.

Our protagonists are four hip city dwelling Pakistani teens with their citified ways and their citified bell bottoms and their citified van that seemed to me to be a VW van but was probably not. Anyway, with a hefty nod to the Deliverance school of “You can’t trust country people, they have bad teeth and they’ll kill you” these kids make the classic blunder of Taking The Shortcut. Vans that teenagers are going to drive should be equipped with a sensor that screams out “NOOOOOOOOO!” at a thousand decibels every time they even consider taking a shortcut. Unfortunately, no such warning device exists so off the dope smoking citified kids go on their way to their rock concert and taking their (NOOOOOOOO) short cut which lands them in The Country. I thought The Country in Pakistan looked mountainous and arid and was full of guys waving about U.S. army surplus weaponry and the mummified heads of Russian soldiers but it turns out this is not the case. The Country in Pakistan looks a lot like Southern California farm land. Hey, live and learn.

Hell's Ground

Well, after more dope smoking and rocking out to a “rock song” on the radio that sounded to me like it might go over well at a Pakistani old folk’s home, our heroes end up at a road side food stand where some old guy is selling unmentionably gross blobs of rice and I can only assume road kill. Ugh. Anyway, he’s famous for having the best blobs around and so they have to stop for some (Because they’re STONED) and he tells them not to proceed and then they start to realize what a complete nutcase he is, even though he’s been acting like one from the second he hit the screen. And, do you know WHY they didn’t notice? Because they’re STONED. Yes, they’re going on their Short Cut into The Country STONED to the bejesus belt and so they completely ignore crazy old blob selling man’s repeatedly shouted warning of, and I quote:
“This is hell’s ground! HELL’S GROUND! Ah ha ha ha ha ha! HELL’S GROUND! Ah ha ha ha ha ha!”

And then the zombies show up. There’s no reason for it except that zombies are cool. Especially Pakistani zombies because they dress like Pakistani hicks which turns out to be like Americans going to the disco in the seventies without the platform shoes. So, to catch you up, stoned kids lost on a short cut menaced by Pakistan’s version of Saturday Night Fever Of The Living Dead.

Hell's Ground

Not to worry, the zombies are gone almost as quickly as they appear. Yes, the kids drive away and the zombies are gone, never to be seen again. But, what is NOT gone is an enormous guy in a snow white burkah running around the woods killing everyone in sight with a mace the size of a hot air balloon. And by the time he does his thing on a few of our heroes’ heads this old woman shows up and, with a voice that sounds like a broken sewing machine speaking Urdu she says she lost a (VERY large) son, but gained a (VERY large) daughter. And that daughter would be Ms. Running Around The Woods Killing People With A Mace Crazy Person. What exactly possessed the old lady’s son, now daughter, to put on women’s clothes and dash about as he / she does bashing away with literally the biggest mace you have ever seen is never explained, or rather, I think the old lady did tell why, I was just a little whip-sawed from it all and missed that part.

You can only imagine the kick Pakistani audiences must get out of this guy, probably a lot like watching a movie featuring a cross-dressing mace-wielding Leatherface…With zombies!

But why, you say, WHY are there zombies? I don’t know. Why is that guy wearing woman’s clothes? Don’t know. Why do people love the old guy’s gross looking blob things? Don’t know. What I do know is you’ve never seen another movie like Hell’s Ground, it’s the Pakistani, cross-dressing, serial killer with zombies film you’ve been waiting for all your life.

Hell’s Ground Trailer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TJKfOT0j1Q

VERDICT: Worth it for the size of the mace alone.

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Posted on August 7, 2008

Comments

8 Responses to “HELL’S GROUND: The Best Pakistani Horror Film I’ve Ever Seen”

Peety on August 7th, 2008 2:49 am

Not sure too laugh or cry.. I miss the good old days with great horror films. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction so I have turned my attentions to documentaries.

Scotty Bones on August 7th, 2008 8:29 am

Where can I pick up a copy?

Charbarred on August 7th, 2008 12:27 pm

You can buy it on Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Hells-Ground/dp/B0016PDZGO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1218137206&sr=1-1

Peety, rest assured they are remaking each and every horror film you’ve ever watched. Yeah, I know, it’s not very comforting…

DThompson on August 7th, 2008 3:54 pm

Peety, I would suggest laughing. Though this movie is not frightening, it has an abundance of energy and a “Hey gang, let’s put on a show!” attitude that’s hard to resist.

Rubab on August 12th, 2008 1:49 pm

I guess this is the first horror film from pakistan.. and is own site is there on internet also..

Tibi Puiu on August 14th, 2008 8:04 am

Hahaha, the movie seems completely badass. Something like Tarantino meets Bollywood.

DThompson on August 15th, 2008 11:42 pm

Tarantino meets Bollywood! Good call Tibi! It’s sort of like a Pakistani take on Kill Bill Part One, all energy and going in a billion directions at once. And, of course, with a cross dressing mace wielding serial killer…And zombies for no other reason than that they’re cool.
And really, I ask everyone, is there a good reason why every single film ever made shouldn’t have zombies in it? I mean, let’s think The Wizard of Oz, would that film not have been immeasurably improved if, instead of melting, the Wicked Witch was torn apart and eaten by a horde of groaning zombies? I say absolutely.