Horror Briefs: Ulli Lommel

By: DThompson | in: Movies |

Diary of a Cannibal

I just watched a movie called “Diary of a Cannibal” and I want you to remember this name: Ulli Lommel.
Why? This movie, shot on a home video camera with a script that was probably written on the back of an envelope had me wanting to actually bless my fast forward button. Diary consists of bad acting, non-existent lighting, jarring edits, and endlessly repeated scenes that go nowhere and mean nothing. That’s because Ulli Lommel is without a doubt the worst director currently alive. It’s a shame there isn’t some crap movie SWAT team to swoop in whenever a film of this caliber is being extruded to kill everyone involved. At the very least Lommel should have a restraining order making it a felony offense for him to come within 500 yards of any motion picture camera. Though this talentless hack continues to put out the worst film in history, again and again and again, he has somehow managed, since 2004, to release a mind boggling eleven films. Proof positive that God cares nothing for our day to day lives, this string of cinematic drek makes a conscientious reviewer search for new ways to say “horrible”. What do you say when “suck” just doesn’t remotely cut it? I’ve settled on “pukes”. As in: Every film by Ulli Lommel pukes.

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Posted on October 30, 2007

Comments

8 Responses to “Horror Briefs: Ulli Lommel”

My Ghillie » Horror Briefs: Ulli Lommel on October 30th, 2007 11:27 am

[...] Check it out! While looking through the blogosphere we stumbled on an interesting post today.Here’s a quick excerptI just watched a movie called “Diary of a Cannibal” and I want you to remember this name: Ulli Lommel. Why? This movie, shot on a home video camera with a script that was probably written on the back of an envelope had me wanting to … [...]

Joe on November 5th, 2007 8:27 pm

I have seen Zombie Nation directed by him, it is the worst stinkiest piece of crap I have ever seen. He is a poor excuse for a director. After watching the movie and seeing the cover art for the dvd, you will know that most of the budget was spent towards the make up and photoshop effects for the box art. What a piece of crap director, even worse is the commentary, they talk like they are proud of this horse shit of a film. I will never rent one of his movies.

DThompson on November 11th, 2007 6:13 pm

Joe, I haven’t personally seen Zombie Nation, but if you say Ulli Lommel directed it, and that it’s the worst film you’ve ever seen, I have no trouble believing you.
My above comments about restraining orders and SWAT teams probably seem like jokes to many people but you and I have seen his “work”, and we know the truth. Ulli Lommel is quite simply the biggest danger facing any modern movie renter.

Matt Flamini on October 25th, 2008 12:17 pm

you have no idea, when in vermont, i accidentally BOUGHT,not just rented one of his movies,Curse of the Zodiac. not knowing what it or who Lommel was. we watched 15 seconds then we tried to give it away to somebody when we got home, but nobobody wanted it. it was simply the worst piece of S### ive ever seen, ever. it was so horrifically bad. pukes is not bad enough, but putrid and disgusting. simply garbage, he should serve life in prison, or they should use his movies as some sort of cruel punishment to extract information from terrorists. but then again, that might not even be ethical.

Bolex on November 30th, 2008 4:28 pm

I just watched Dungeon Girl last night. It’s not good, but there’s a few interesting little bits of camera work and editing it that if you were maybe a photographer or film making you might find interesting. Afterall, he did hang out with the likes of Rainer Fassbinder and Andy Warhol at one time.

jvb on June 7th, 2009 8:19 am

Ulli Lommel is a STINKER!!! I’ve only seen a couple of his films and they were dreadful.
I need to get out my thesaurus because I can’t think of enough synonyms for “terrible” to even begin to describe his “body of work” - yaaarrgghhh!!!!!

J on July 21st, 2010 10:37 am

Worst writer/director EVER! I had forgotten the name and made the mistake of watching a second film by this guy, words can’t express the regret. If ya ever get a chance to see Zombie Nation or Diary of a Cannibal, throw the DVD out the window, unplug the t.v. and run the other way.
Hey Ulli! nifty pictures on the box doesnt make for a good flick. The film quality is crappy, the acting is terrible, and background music can enhance the mood but it cant be used as a substitute for dialog. Diary was a 15 minute movie that you regurgitated scenes to stretch the hour and a half. I want that time of my life back! Porn writers create more convincing scripts.
Who cast the Russian guy in Zombie Nation as a crazy cop? Real convincing. And Ulli, STOP FILMING IN A DAMNED WHAREHOUSE! Nobody buys it as a hospital or a police station setting. High school kids make better films! And don’t blame a low budget, Tarrentino pulled it off in Reservoir Dogs and Blood, Guts, Bullets and Octane did alright. Please, for the love of God, talk to Adam Green or the guy that did Behind the Mask (sean cunningham probably wouldn’t give you the time of day) before you attempt to poison society with another crappy horror flick.

Jaime lopez on January 10th, 2012 6:17 pm

Every student in film school should be required to watch a ulli lommel film and learn everything that you shouldn’t do when making a film. That is the only benefit of having his films in existence. But they should only exist in film schools, they should be treated like the Ebola virus, kept under lock and so it doesnt infect the population.